Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I'd read a terrific book called "The Male Factor" by Shaunti Feldhaun that is a well-researched discussion on the difference between the the way men and women communicate in the business arena. Absolutely fascinating. In fact, I plan to integrate the material into a workshop for businesspeople.

This week, a friend sent me the link to this video by Mark Gungor and I had a really good laugh. I'm posting it on a Sunday on the chance you might have time during the Super Bowl to read blogs. ; )

This is on the difference between men's brains and women's brains and is part of Gungor's series on "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage."

To Have & To Hold

Today is our son and daughter-in-love's 1st anniversary and this week we celebrate our 31st anniversary! I revisted this 3 minute clip this morning as I knew it would make my heart happy, so I'm sharing it with you(again).

There was another divine appointment that day... a wonderful connection between the minister that performed the ceremony and us. Jesus just loves weddings and so do I!

It's said that a lasting marriage is the union of two forgivers. So true.

Love Smells Just Like Peach Cobbler

While shopping for peaches this weekend, I inquired of the woman at the vegetable stand if she might have some in the back that were bruised and too ripe to have on display. I told her I prefer those for making cobbler. She wanted to know the occasion and it started a conversation about cooking and marriage that inspired me to testify about something that works for me.

I never aspired to be a good cook. I burn something in the kitchen at least weekly and create culinary disappointments on a regular basis. But my family insists I’m a great cook and I suppose 30 years of experience give me that claim to fame. For me, cooking is not about blending the right spices and seasonings to create just the right flavor. It's a way to say, "I love you".

People talk about knowing your spouse’s “love language”. Before I’d ever read Gary Smalley’s book on the subject, I’d figured out how to speak Jim’s love language and it’s not words. The gift of my time is what means the most to him and the gift of my time spent in the kitchen is worth twice as much.

Over the years, I’ve heard more than a few catty remarks from women who don’t understand or appreciate my desire to have a home-cooked dinner on the table for my family every night, ideally at the preferred time of 6 o’clock. They’ve implied that I’m in bondage to some “old school” thinking that demeans women.

If caring enough about the love of my life to speak in his food language that there’s nothing more important to me than him is “old school”, then sign me up for that school, please. It works for me.

Tonight at my house, love smells like peach cobbler. And that’s sweet.

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I've decided to submit this last-minute entry to Scribbit's June Monthly Writing Contest just for the fun of it. The subject this month is food and I can't resist the chance to win a picnic basket that brings back wonderful childhood memories of picnics on a red checkered tablecloth!

Front Porch Wisdom

I went to see LouLou on Valentine’s day and she was in fine form. As expected, she was dressed in red with a Valentine necklace on. She has always loved jewelry, and though now it’s inexpensive costume jewelry since she lives in a facility, she still coordinates it and enjoys it immensely. There’s much to be said for small pleasures.

It’s hard for to me to grasp all that she’s experienced in 102 years of living and I cherish the hours spent with her. During my visit, I asked for her advice to couples on how to have a happy marriage. She pondered for a moment and replied, “You should be loving every single day. To stay together, you have to overlook a lot. To be happy, you have to overlook even more.”

So says LouLou and she oughta know. Remember Squall Line is tomorrow and I have a whopper of a story to tell you – that’s all too true.

The Shoebox

Laughter is good medicine. I love this story:

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

The Real Deal

Well… I’ve had confirmation that I’m supposed to do this seminar on marriage.

The first thing that happened is I had an “incident” at home. In order to protect the innocence (cough, cough) of certain parties, suffice it to say that I allowed myself to become offended. Then I held on to my attitude and the small issue escalated out of proportion. I trust that has never happened to you. Of course, I started having thoughts like, “who am I to teach on marriage when I’m still figuring this out myself!” Actually, how could I possibly encourage others if I didn’t walk it out myself? I promise I won’t misrepresent myself by saying I have perfected the art of being married. But I am happily married and continue to learn daily how to remain so.

The second confirmation (ahem) came through my best friend. She isn’t a blog reader, so I called to tell her what I’d decided on for a topic. She didn’t stop laughing for 5 minutes. This didn’t offend me at all, as she has been my friend for 30 years and she has seen it all. I figured she was just overcome with joy. I am happy to be able to bring so much amusement into her day.

I’ll leave you with a favorite story told by a pastor’s wife who was teaching on marriage at a seminar I attended years ago. She was recounting an “incident” in her home when she had made a costly mistake with their checking account. In anger, her husband said, “You sure are pretty but how can you be so stupid?” She came back with, “God made me pretty so you’d marry me. And God made me stupid so I’d marry you! I thought that was hilarious. I doubt if she really said that. I never think that fast on my feet - it’s like 4 hours later when good comeback lines hit me. (Probably for my own protection.)

So there you have it. I’m excited. Keep the comments coming on possible titles. I really like your ideas. The giveaway is open through Saturday and you can leave your thoughts on this post too.

Happily Ever After? Really?

I am giving away the Francine Rivers novel, The Scarlet Threadso read on to find out why.

Marriage. A most wonderful mystery. I’ve been meditating on the covenant of marriage for the last month. During this time, I have been asked to do a seminar at a Bible Institute and they left the topic open for my choice. I usually speak in the world of business, so I have been prayerfully considering what my assignment is in this opportunity.

I have decided to do a seminar on marriage. After 30 years, I’ve learned a lot. Builderman was unsaved for the first 17 years of our marriage. The past 13 years since he developed a relationship with the living God have been totally different. But not necessarily easy. Why isn’t marriage easy?? Because I am not dead to self, that’s why.

I need your help with the title. I’ve thought of “Happily Ever After – Fantasy or Reality?” One of my favorite book titles is Beth Moore’s Feathers from My Nest: A Mother's Reflections. (These examples are just to get you thinking – and it’s a great book, by the way.)

Your suggestion will enter you in the drawing to win the great book by Francine Rivers. You don’t have to come up with the “best” title to win. Just make a stab at it and your name is in the hat. (I’ll actually use the Random Number Generator to keep it random) I’ll leave the drawing open through Saturday, Oct. 11th and announce the winner soon after. This is my first give-away, so I'm excited. Thanks for your ideas!!

Word photos of a Wedding

Every element of this special occasion whispered, “I love you.” It brings to mind a love song we sing in church: There is none like you. No one else can touch my heart like you do. I could search for all eternity long and find, there is none like you.

Here are my pictures of the wondrous event as our son got married:

Beautiful Bridal party photos in the sunshine that miraculously appeared about 2 hours before the wedding. Hurricane bands ceased and we rejoiced in fair weather.

The joy of greeting friends and family in the foyer as a string quartet played gloriously in the church.

Music that soared to the heavens as gifted and annointed April Lupo offered her heart in song, inviting the presence of God.

The innocence & joy of the 4 little flower girls, ages 2-5, and the 3 year old ring bearer who scampered over white marble floors and sat happily on a bench at the front as the ceremony proceeded.

The deep love and emotion on the faces of all as we witnessed the glory of 2 becoming one in the sight of God and man. Covenant love is a wondrous thing.

The love of the bride’s parents expressed in every detail of a reception planned with intricate care.

The fragrance of hundreds of white roses & white orchids creating fountains of floral beauty on every table.

The elegance of chairs decorated in black with blue bows, coupled with black napkins in blue satin ribbons. Each place setting was graced by a silver ice cream scoop favor topped with a blue bow, lovingly tied by the bride’s mother, that read “Love is Delicious.”

A ceiling draped in white silk twinkling with white lights to create a fairytale scene with the bride sparkling like a princess.

A DVD that took untold hours to create that played in the first room of the reception area, showing hundreds of photos of the bride and groom since birth with their family and friends.

Food fit for a king. From the Beef Tenderloin cooked to perfection to the primo pasta to the succulent vegetables and potatoes, it was a banquet that the bride’s dad and brother had planned for months as they welcomed us to their restaurant, Galuppi’s.

Wedding cake, a chocolate fountain, pastries, crème puffs and a tuxedo groom's cake topped off the sweetness of the night.

Dancing and cavorting of guests from 2 to 82 as the celebration of a marriage kicked into high gear.

A happy goodbye through the front door bedecked with a heart made of roses as the bride & groom were whisked away by a limosine. They are now in Jamaica for some much needed relaxation.

To Love Extravagantly

Love is the most powerful force on the face of the earth. It can heal, forgive, restore, overcome, repair, compensate, fortify and fulfill. Today is our 30th wedding anniversary. I stand in awe at the wonders of it all.

In a toast at the wedding of her brother on Sunday, Uncommon Blonde said, “This weekend our parents celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary, and in doing so give to us a legacy of commitment. “

I am so grateful that the grace of God has covered all of my weakness and failure and filled me with all the fullness of God, so that I can give away what isn’t even mine. I am truly blessed as I say, “Look what the Lord has done.”

Pioneer Woman? She doesn’t live here.

Builderman has a new project. Instead of just continuing to mow the very large amount of grass on our property, he wants to bale it and sell the hay. Fine by me… whatever, honey.

Until he announced yesterday that the neighbors are coming to help tomorrow and he sure could use my help. My response was, “you’re kidding, right?” I would think we have enough stories of the crazy things that happen when he recruits me as a manual laborer.

Not to mention that Thursday I work full (over)time to make up for being out Friday. We are leaving early Friday and that should say it all. His pants have to be picked up from the seamstress (he just tried them on Sunday after having them since June and they needed altering), etc. etc. Experience tells me there are times to say “No” and I am certain this is one of those times. I have to laugh. What was he thinkin’?? I will definitely not be telling him about the Pioneer Woman.

Extraordinary Wives

I have a confession to make. I got my mad on this week. The good news is that I worked through it and two good things came out of it.

The first is I realized I still have a lot of work to do on a personality characteristic that needs to go. I don’t fight fair. Let me explain. I am a diplomat and I like everyone to be happy. However, this means that I tend to let things that bother me get repressed until one unfortunate day when someone (usually Builderman) pushes the button that flips the lid where all that stuff was stored. Mount Vesuvius erupts with dangerous repercussions as witnessed on my visit to Pompeii last summer. So in this unfair fighting technique, we’re dealing with today’s issue, plus all the other issues that gathered since the last eruption. The rule book on marriage says this is absolutely a crummy relationship strategy. I know that…and this week I was reminded to apply that which I know. I believe that is commonly referred to as wisdom.

The second thing I gained is a membership to the League of Extraordinary Wives.

Uncommon Blonde told me about Mrs. Fussypants and The Gentle Art of Ruling Your Husband. (What Your Momma Wishes She’d Known.)
This is a forum of women who are happily married and/or working on it. You can comment and participate in the forum if you join through the site mentioned above. It feels good to be a part of a sisterhood that is willing to bite the tongue bullet and commit to building a better marriage. A bit of laughter with the girls helped get me back on track.