Swine and Scorpions and Pit Bulls, OH MY!

It’s not Lions and Tigers and Bears that cause alarm for urban-dwelling Americans. Our modern-day enemies are scarier than anything Dorothy encountered on the road to Oz.

First, let’s talk about swine. My mom has been calling my sister and daughters this week requesting they wear masks for their upcoming plane travel this weekend because of the swine flu scare. (Two are headed to Texas.) Not surprising that none of them plan to do so and I agree that it’s unnecessary. I’ve simply requested they slather themselves head to toe in sanitizer. : )

I know that eating pork isn’t how swine flu is contracted, but while we’re on the subject of pigs, I just have to say that this reminds me why I’ve made it a habit to avoid eating pork for the past 25 years or so. I don’t think you want to hear my harangue on swine flesh so instead I'll give you a definition.

Harangue (v.) [hê-'ræng]
Verbal harassment, a tirade; a ranting uncontrolled preachment or piece of writing focused on a subject of interest only to the speaker or author

If you want to know more about the subject, I recommend a book called Maximum Energy by Ted Broer. Your hair will stand on end when you read his chapter about 10 foods you should never eat.

Second item on my creepy list today is scorpions. I know that warm weather is here to stay since the scorpions are in residence in my mailbox again. ARGHHH! It’s awful to pull out a scorpion with the mail. I haven’t wanted to spray poison in my mailbox because that seems as harmful as scorpions. I killed a big one yesterday and need any eradication tips you may know of.

Pit Bulls are on my scary scallywags list today. The dog and the people who are referred to as pit bulls are defined as behaving in a markedly aggressive or ruthless manner. You don’t have to look farther than today’s headlines to know who they are.

By the way, this year marks the 70th anniversary of The Wizard of Oz. If Dorothy could make it, so can we. Let me go find my pair of Ruby Slippers.

Is That Your 6-pack?

I TOLD you I was doing my crunches! I also added weights to work on muscle tone and definition during 2nd Cup of Coffee’s 30 x 5 challenge!

I got an email the other day from a friend that owns a health business. Since I know her, I figured she wouldn’t mind if I borrowed her body today. Her photo was labeled with the fact that she’s 52. Truth is, I NEVER had abs like this. Not when I was 20 or 30 or 40 and definitely not at 50. I love her but you can trust I won’t be hanging out at the pool with her. I had more fun doctoring this photo than you can imagine.

The good news is I exceeded the goal to exercise at least 30 minutes on 10 of 14 days during Linda’s challenge. I liked pretending I was in one big exercise class with the 50 or so women participating. All the better that you couldn’t actually see me. ; )

On the food part of the challenge, rather than looking for things to deny myself, I found some new favorite snacks in the 2 point range. Linda’s the one that got me started on the Pumpkin Spice/Flax Kashi bars and the almonds. I don’t know who told me about the Laughing Cow cheese that is only 50 calories for a serving. Partnered with 7 triscuit thin crisps, I’ve got a wonderful snack for 2 points! I also enjoy getting out a plate and cutting up an apple as a snack. It feels like a mini meal if I put it on a plate for some reason. I love variety; in my diet, in my friends, in my reading, in my life!
As for me and the scale – we’ve separated. That idiot was driving me nuts, was unfaithful and was emotionally abusive. He's banished to the garage. I'll let you know if I reconsider.

I feel great and am less squishy and jiggly. I’m just glad I no longer share adjectives with a dish of pudding. No 6-pack abs or buns of steel but hey, progress is progress.

Don’t Worry Be Happy

I coordinated my errands on Saturday around a visit to the beach. A short time with my toes in the sand and my face turned into the salty breeze is enough to make the cares of the world evaporate from my mind.

As I sat and watched families on the beach, I thought about the fine art of floating. I believe it’s an essential part of learning to swim, as it requires learning to relax in the water. It’s also a safety maneuver; if you get exhausted in the water and think you may go under, the answer is to turn onto your back and float.

The hard part is relaxing when your adrenaline is pumping and your body is screaming to MOVE IT! When floating, if you tense your muscles, you sink.

I remember teaching each of our children to float. Of course I’d start by literally holding them up; my hands under them, supporting their back. As they learned to relax, it wasn’t long before I wasn’t even touching them. I would still let them get really comfortable and practice a lot before physically moving away. This makes me think of that old hymn, “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.” Good to know His arms are always underneath us and He never moves away.

So this Monday’s stress management tip is FLOAT. It’s the best way to stay on top in these turbulent waters. The beach sang to me on Saturday. And the song was Don’t Worry Be Happy.

If You Have to Tell People You Are, You Aren't

I’m pretty sure I don’t have innate fashion sense, so it’s a bit ironic that I’m participating in Big Mama’s Fashion Friday. God saw my need and gave me 2 daughters who have fabulous fashion sense. My first indication of their strong opinions in this area was when Uncommon Blonde absolutely refused to wear the colored corduroy pants with matching shirts I’d bought on sale in every color of the rainbow when she was 3.

Though I’ll never be a glamour girl, experience and common sense have given me reasonable guidelines for fashion which include:

1. Wear clothes that fit. Sounds simple. Invest in clothes with quality fabric that are made well and hang right. I find this often means designer brands; I’m convinced that you’re not just paying for a name. The clothes are higher quality. But that leads me to number two…

2. Shop consignment. Now that the economy has tanked, it’s a popular thing to do. Much to my daughters’ chagrin, I’ve always enjoyed it. It’s a total blast to score a $100 blouse for $15. I don’t have the time sort through the stuff at Goodwill but I love the small boutique-like consignment stores.

3. Check out Sam’s Club for clothes. I’ve been buying my Calvin Klein jeans there for several years for $25 a pair instead of paying the $80 retail price or $50 outlet price. You might be surprised at what you find. Yesterday I bought these Nine West Capris for $14.96 at Sam’s (they happen to be SUPER comfortable!), stopped at the consignment store on the way home and bought a blouse for $5. I’ve been on shopping restriction but a new outfit for less than $20 is guilt-free relief.
4. Whoever said you can’t wear white skirts, shoes or dresses before Memorial Day or after Labor Day didn’t live in Florida and probably applied that rule to white gloves. I still argue with my daughters on this point (they stick with the rule) so I wanted to put it in writing that it’s not true.

5. Returning to the “fit” issue, wear the right size. Trying to boost your ego by fitting into too-small jeans that create the muffin-top effect isn’t flattering. Nor does it work to disguise extra poundage with larger clothes. It just makes you look, well… larger. Remember, I know this from experience. ; )

6. Speaking of muffin tops brings to mind Big Mama’s #1 Fashion Rule which is to buy a pair of good jeans that fit well. Her classic post on the subject is HERE.

7. My mom always schooled me to dress like a lady. I happen to like what Margaret Thatcher said about that:
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."

411 for Bloggers

I’ve been blogging for 16 months now and I began my blog like I begin most projects:
Ready ………..Fire……...Aim

My daughter loaned me a book when I started, Blogging With Moxie, which I did read. (I got a great chocolate pie recipe from that book! Really!)

But I’ve learned most of what I know through just doing it. I’ve still had questions like the one I posed a few weeks ago, “Shouldn’t I be backing up my blog, just in case??” (Responses indicated no one else had a plan on that either.)

Michelle Mitchell at Scribbet has written a fabulous 175 page e-Book called Blogging in Pink: A Woman’s Guide that you can download from her site FREE! Here’s a few of the chapter titles:

* How to Be a More Efficient Blogger
* The Ten Commandments of Blogging
* Ten Housekeeping Tips for Your Blog
* Technorati in a Nutshell

If you’re anything like me, you NEED this book! Thanks to Michelle for such a concise, practical guide to questions we’ve all had at one time or another.

Speaking of free books, I have to give a shout out to Patrice for the book I just received. I won a signed copy of the new book Net Trigger by Mark Gregory. Thanks, Patrice!

Molten-Golden Notes

If you haven’t seen the You Tube video of Susan Boyle yet, you must watch it.

I am fascinated by the tidal wave that's been created by her appearance on "Britain’s Got Talent" April 11th. The YouTube clip has been viewed more than 50 million times in just one week! I believe it’s the underdog in all of us that rises to applaud loudly. In my mind, she represents the unfulfilled dreams we all have. Her courage and mettle are as molten lava in the tide of cynicism and defeat that are washing away the hopes of many.

Her life has no doubt changed in the last week. Regardless of her future recording contracts, she has touched the world with her gift. How appropriate that her song choice was “I Dreamed a Dream”.

“From the molten-golden notes,
And all in tune,
What a liquid ditty floats
To the turtle dove that listens, while she gloats on the moon!

Excerpt from “The Bells” by Edgar Allan Poe

Whatever form of expression your song may take, I hope you sing this week.

Carrot Cake, and That's my Final Answer

When I typed yesterdays’ post, “Carrots or Cookies”, I didn’t realize how funny it would strike me today that my answer is, “I want the best of both worlds – carrot cake it is!”

Last weekend was not only Easter, it was Builderman’s birthday. (He says he’s going to be like Caleb and always be a strong 45.) He asked for carrot cake for his birthday and boy did I deliver. Make no mistake, I’ve made plenty of carrot cakes. But not like THIS carrot cake. You’ll think you’ve gone straight to heaven when you put this in your mouth.

Yes, it has a million ingredients and takes time to create. That’s the only thing that will save me from myself… it’s clearly a special occasion cake. Sublime.

This recipe is from a saint of a cake baker at my church by the name of Miss Pearline.
Yes, this is the deep south. She even brought me pecans from her tree for my cake. I told you she’s a saint.

Pearline’s Carrot Cake Supreme

The instructions say prep time is 25 minutes. Umm, No. I think that was a joke.

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. salt
2 tsp. ground cinnamon

3 large eggs
2 cups sugar
¾ cp vegetable oil
¾ cup buttermilk
2 tsp. vanilla extract

2 cups grated carrot
1 (8 ounce) can crushed pineapple, drained
1 (31/2 ounce) can flaked coconut
1 cup chopped pecans

Deluxe Cream Cheese Frosting

• Grease three 9-inch round cakepans; line with wax paper. Lightly grease and flour wax paper. Set aside. (My note – I didn’t understand this but I followed directions)
• Stir together first 4 ingredients. Beat eggs and next 4 ingredients at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Add flour mixture, beating at low speed until blended. Fold in carrots and next 3 ingredients. Pour batter evenly into prepared pans.
• Bake at 350 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.
• Spread Deluxe Cream Cheese Frosting between layers and an top and sides of cake. Chill cake several hours before slicing. Store in refrigerator.

Deluxe Cream Cheese Frosting

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
¾ cup butter, softened
1 (16 ounce) package powdered sugar, sifted
1 ½ tsp vanilla extract

Beat first 3 ingredients at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Gradually add powdered sugar, beating at low speed until light and fluffy. Stir in vanilla.
For Deluxe Frosting, stir 1 ½ cups finely chopped pecans into frosting along with vanilla.
I didn't remember to take a picture for you until we'd cut it. : )